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Yesterday, in casual conversation, my wife said that the day that I acted disinterested in having sex with her (a la the BIB "shut her down" method) would be the day she would know that I was getting it somewhere else. (We had been talking about a stressful project she was trying to finish for work and how she would have more time for other things when that was done. I had jokingly said that I just may not be interested in sex anymore by the time that happens.) That comment made me wonder if BIB's technique would really work in my situation; the last thing I need is to be accused of being unfaithful.

I've found that when I do things expecting something in return, I eventually get very resentful if I don't get what I wanted. Do those wonderful things for your wife with the primary motivation that you are a good person and know how to treat a woman right. Build up your self esteem through your thoughts and actions. Have reasonable limits on what you will do, you gotta have some dignity / self respect man. If you change your expectations, you will find yourself pleasantly surprised, rather than disappointed. I swear, woman just take men for granted, especially in the sexual department. I remember an ex gf asking me why guys are horny all the time, and I stopped and thought for a second then told her it was because if men were like women, the odds of a sexual encounter would be slim, like rolling double sixes, so to ensure that the species does reproduce, the man has to be ready all the time, for that occasion when the woman is ready. Woman just don't know, or forget how to have fun. They take life too seriously at the wrong times and don't know when to let loose about jobs, children, etc. Seems you gotta get them liquored up before they loose those strong inhibitions and kick off those panties with vigour. Don't get me wrong, most woman want sex, but they don't want it as much as they like to tell their liberated friends, and definately not on average as much as men NEED IT. Some women are just easier to please than others as well. I remember one gf that was at times tricky to get into bed, but once we were there, just about anything goes, and she was pleased by it all, easy orgasms, etc. Others talked about how horny they were, then when you got them in bed, it was always too hot or too cold, I lasted too long or not long enough, the bed squeaked, just about any f'ng thing broke the mood. Ahh, life is an interesting experience. Women the eternal enigma. Believe me, they don't even understand themselves, so give up on understanding them!

Titanium

J Meister & Titanium,

You are both right about women being so much different from men, it starts with the fact that women have a physical cycle of events they are going through all the time, it's a cycle that's constantly changing and it affects their behavior, making them unpredictable and often ununderstandable, whereas men are much more stable and reasonable (see the book recommended bellow).

J Meister to answear your question, a good bestseller book ($16) dealing with the differences between the sexes is

"Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" by John Gray.

The author, a very experienced councilor to couples, encourages readers to accept the other gender's way of expressing love, and helps men and women learn how to fulfill each other's emotional needs.He also wrote
"Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" ($10) which is obviously more specific and relevant to our desire to score more often...

Also you might be interested to check out Ellen Kreidman's site

www.lightyourfire.com/onl...ps_her.htm

her tape "light her fire" was recomended by HughJorgan earlier on this thread so I went there and found "10 tips how to light her fire", a nice idea with "love coupons" and other stuff that may sound a bit childish but who knows, that might be exactly the trick that will work for us.

As for your dilema, it makes sense to MHO to take the courting strategy as a first choice.Seems that this redhed broke something in you but if you make an effort to find that Romantic spirit again and relate it to your wife,you may be surprised at the outcome.You mentioned she's under a lot of stress right now (job, age), she now needs your support more than ever, and it gives you an excellent opportunity to be good to her in every way, surprise her with little gestures etc etc(I know, dino if you're reading this you probably think it's all BS, but I truely believe it may work - am an uncurable optimist, what can I say). IOW, take the courting strategy (it's quite pleasant actually and you don't have to say no to sex when it comes to it) .Give it some time and see how it goes, then, if in spite of all your efforts you'r not satisfied and sex is still half hearted and on rare occasions,then it will be the perfect time for Bib's ignoring strategy. Coming after a romantic courting period the effect will be even more dramatic and she'll HAVE to ask herself what's happened that you suddenly don't want sex.

My courting offensive is succesful so far, it's been only a couple of days and we already had sex this afternoon (after a very long break) it's like good old times again, I'm surprised cuz I didn't think it would be that easy...

...Go for it!


WB