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Shame on me for not reading Thornes Lab more often. I've missed the ongoings of two very interesting threads. This one is of particular interest as I too have the same problem with my wife. I have seriously considered affairs. I will try the courting approach (not that I already don't pretty much do most of that - I'm a romantic) more and with more vigor. If after time things don't get better, I'll go with BIB's ignore approach, which I almost opted for first. I just hate the rejection! The previous thread by BeBop (hope you're doing well by the way, BeBop) shows just how personal and emotional men are. Someone stated that in the thread - it's so true! What's this about how men only want sex? I want my wife to want to make love with me! I want her to desire me. I don't want to always be the initiator. Why can't she? Doesn't she want to be with her husband - in the closest way two people can express their love for each other? Lovemaking completes a relationship. As was stated by JM, I believe, my wife too has been going through very busy and stressful times. I'm sure this has affected her feelings for intimacy, but if two are in love and truly care about the other, shouldn't the others feelings come first, or at least be a priority? Sorry for the venting, but this thread really hit home and I look forward to read the onging results of everyone's lives here. Thanks for the friendship of all of you guys. What a great forum!

Carl, I might as well add my $0.02 here.

Not sure where to begin. Suffice it to say, it also ties in with the "meeting Internet women" thread.

I'll try point form, just to be brief.

- met wife in 1986
- married in 1988
- was very loyal to her, for years and years, she was my best friend, could tell her anything
- in the beginning, sex was great (but looking back, I now realize she was pretty vanilla)
- the occasional anal sex stopped at least 10 years ago
- my schlong last saw the inside of her mouth at least 7 years ago (guessing); she never let me cum in her mouth once, much less swallowed
- got 2 great kids, although there were quite a few miscarriages along the way
- trying to conceive our 2nd child became *work*; I had to wear a cock ring, watch porn, do any position necessary when she was ovulating, just to become semi-erect
- it was around this time that I thought I was becoming impotent; it became very difficult to maintain an erection
- I chatted an online friend about this; he seemed very knowledgeable about sex (and BDSM)... he basically laughed and said that all I needed was a hot 18 year old... I didn't appreciate his suggestion, saying that something else had to be going on
- I didn't realize it at the time, but the stress of the relationship was the root of my problem... it had happened in 1981, with a previous gf
- summer of 1997, I was chatting on IRC and ended up hitting it off with this one woman (I'll call her Alice, cleverly using the letter A ;-) who lived about 2 hours from me
- Alice was (and still is) married, but felt her husband was being consumed with work, and somehow she and I just clicked
- Alice and I met face to face, a week after our first chat. She was going to the airport by herself to visit family for a few days. So, we arranged to meet at the airport. It was electric. :)
- Alice and I met again at some point after she returned. We arranged to meet at a park. The weather was overcast, hinting at rain, in fact there was a very fine mist falling. This was where we had our first kiss. THAT was quite electric, too. I still remember the mist falling on my face. We did some groping, too. No sex, which was fine, but I remember wanting to take her into the nearby trees and doing her right there.
- Did I mention that Alice is a huge fan of anal sex? :-D
- Alice and I met a number of times for 'lunch', which involved lots of necking and groping in one of our cars.
- Alice and I finally booked a hotel room one day, for a few hours of intense play. I sucked her muff so hard, her clit was throbbing. We could both see it. We were both amazed, since neither of us had seen that before. I had bought her a couple of buzzy toys and introduced her to them. She already owned a couple of dildos, but nothing like these. The one she liked, the other she LOVED (and for months later, would hear reports about how she would go on 2 hour masturbation marathons :-)). And yes, we did have anal sex... I couldn't believe how velvety and welcoming her ass was, compared to what I was used to. :P
- That fall, Alice's hubby whisked her away for a tropical vacation around her birthday. She loved it. As soon as she was back home, we were chatting, and I could tell something was different. To make a long story short, she had decided to give hubby another try. To make a longer story shorter, my heart was shredded.
- Around the same time that I met Alice online, I'd met another woman online, too. Let's use the letter B for her... I'll call her Bambi. ;-)
- Bambi lived quite a bit closer to me than Alice.
- Right from the get-go, I made Alice and Bambi aware of each other. No secrets.
- Some days I'd cyber or phonesex one. Some days it would be the other. Some days it would be both.
- I clicked with Bambi a little more gradually online, but was surprised when she gave me her phone number the first time I asked her for it.
- Bambi had an online boyfriend, but he lived 3 timezones away. For this reason, I was able to maintain some sort of distance.
- While Alice was a year older than me, Bambi was 16 years younger. Bambi was 20 when we first started chatting and meeting for coffee.
- Despite the fooling around online and on the phone, I never pressed Bambi for any intimacy. In fact, I managed to keep some distance in that sense until a) Alice had made her decision to go back to hubby, and b) Bambi had had a falling out with her long distance boyfriend.
- I had been doing things with Bambi online and on the phone which, in retrospect, would fall under the umbrella of BDSM. I would tease her, deny her, make her do things she'd never done before.
- When Bambi and I finally did become intimate, it was the first time she ever had multiple orgasms. My wife was out of town for a while, and Bambi and I made out like rabbits. Bambi complimented me in ways that my wife NEVER did. She responded in ways my wife never did. She was far more open and kinkier than my wife would even talk about, much less do. I still remember the first time she said, "I *love* the way you fuuck...." It was the first time a woman had ever said fuuck to me in an intimate situation. And as you can imagine, my ego grew 3 sizes right then and there. Plus my whole attitude on 'dirty talk' changed from that moment forward. :-)
- Bambi had agreed to my request that this would be strictly fun, that once my wife came back, playtime would be over. However, at the end of that period, neither one of us wanted to do without the other. So, we managed to meet on the side for a looooong time.
- Let me interject here and say that Bambi's sexuality was mind blowing. Nothing I had ever experienced in my *life* had prepared me for anyone like her. And all along, she said it was me, that I did this to her, that I blew her away. On top of this, she was also a very fine person, sassy, lots of fun, great sense of humour, never playing mind games or being a bitch, etc.
- Eventually my work took me out of town. Bambi and I maintained some sort of phone relationship, but it had degraded dramatically to just a friendship. Still, she didn't date anyone else for a long time after I left... more than a year, in fact.
- I felt that Bambi was The One, but needed to finish up work before trying to start a separation/divorce.
- I should mention that Bambi and I had dabbled in bondage and fisting.
- One day I was chatting online with another woman about my sexual likes and dislikes. She said, "You know what? You're a Dom." I was like, wha...? That really made me stop and think. But it was definitely a turning point for me. I looked back at my relationship with Bambi, and thought... holy $H!T, she's right!
- Some months after I started working away from home, I ended up chatting another woman online (Bambi had long since stopped chatting online by this time), and meeting her for coffee a month later. Since I need a name starting with C, let's call her Chloe.
- The relationship was pretty good with Chloe from the get-go. She had just left her hubby of 13 years (since high school) and the sex was great. However, I learned she wasn't interested in anything of a BDSM nature. Maybe for very light play, but nothing major. She wasn't interested in being subbie, and never really said she was interested in being Domme. (Mind you, I did fist her on our first date, totally blowing her away.)
- For a while there, I felt that Chloe was maybe the one for me. But after 4-5 months, she and I started having to deal with obstacles (she lived 2 hours away, her car eventually crapped out, I didn't have a car, etc). It gave me time to think. I thought, given the choice between Bambi and Chloe, I wanted Bambi. Unfortunately, I'd also opened my heart to Chloe, so I didn't want to let go of her.
- Chloe and I had some major bumps along the way. For one thing, it turns out that she didn't like me flirting with other women online, even if it *was* innocent. She became concerned when these other women would ask if anyone had seen me, when I wasn't around (she thought I was building up a harem :P ). Plus, she was having battles with her ex, who was using their kids as pawns. Plus she had job troubles.
- Around this time, I sensed something was up with Bambi, something I got in an e-mail from her. I replied back, and didn't hear squat from her for days. She finally replied, saying she'd met someone else. My heart went through the shredder again, only this time, it was far worse. Still, I managed to keep communications open with Bambi, after initially being shut down.
- Before you ask, no, Bambi didn't know about Chloe. I may have told Chloe about having been with Bambi before meeting her, but never did I say anything to Bambi.
- I ended up letting Chloe move in with me for a couple months, because a) she'd lost her job for some completely lame excuse, and b) she'd been kicked out of her apartment for having a kitten. We tried to make another go of it. She got another job, moved out (because she wanted to be able to have her kids over, which was fine) etc.
- Chloe and I had more relationship problems. She knew how I felt about her, but didn't feel the same way (anymore), and felt bad that she didn't feel the same way, felt that I was a great guy, etc. Still, we tried to make it work. Had a few more great times, even.
- Chloe was also holding onto the ghost of a previous online relationship. Literally. A few years earlier, she'd fallen in love with a guy from the UK. Her hubby found out about this, and forbade her to chat online at all. She agreed, trying (once again) to make her marriage work. But she couldn't resist, and got back online again. Her UK bf even told her he wouldn't pressure her, but after one bit of news about the idiot hubby, he told her to pack her things and get her kids, he was going to send them tickets to fly over to England and be with him. She was thrilled, but declined. Eventually he made plans to come and stay near her, so they could actually meet. A month before this happened, his roommate contact her to tell her that he'd died the night before (they'd been out drinking, and he fell down the stairs, breaking his neck). The roomie didn't know about this, being passed out on the bed the whole night.
- Then one day I was talking with Chloe after watching a matine, and felt that something was up. I knew that she'd been out of work for a while (again), and knew that she was in financial dire straits. I realized that things weren't right with us, and reluctantly asked her if she wanted to move back in (she'd told me that maybe she could go live in her grandparents' basement for a while). She declined... but there was something in her voice. I asked her if she'd met someone else. She said she had. (No, it wasn't online. No, they hadn't even kissed.) This time, my heart didn't go straight to the shredder; it just sort of deflated slowly. She was planning to go over to his place after talking to me (turns out her visit to me and then to him had been planned), so I told her to knock herself out, and not to hold back on the kissing or the sex on my account. (I found out later that she took me up on that.)
- I'd loaned Chloe money over a period of months. I'm still waiting for that money. :-( But I feel she's sincere, and when she can pay it, she will.
- I still have Chloe's e-mail address and phone number, but the last time I exchanged words with her was back in late October, I believe.
- While all this was going on, I'd end up seeing Alice online once in a while. We'd managed to stay very good friends despite our parting of ways. (She maintains to this day I was the best oral sex she'd ever received. ;-) I would give her updates as to what was going on in my life, and she would occasionally tell me to $H!T or get off the pot, that I wasn't doing myself any favours. I already knew that, but....
- Meanwhile, back with Bambi....
- Bambi would phone me out of the blue, usually when she was driving home from work. We would chat about this and that. (I learned early on that it wasn't a good idea to talk about her new boyfriend.) I still enjoyed chatting with her... I'd crack her up, and she'd crack me up. :-)
- On 9/11, Bambi phoned me that morning, after the WTC news hit the airwaves. She wanted to make sure I was okay, since she knew I was flying around that time (actually, I'd flown a day earlier). She was the only one of the three women to call me to check up on me. (Mind you, I don't think Alice had my phone number.)
- Early in October, Bambi phoned me late one night after work. We chatted about this and that, when suddenly out of the blue she says things like: when was I going to leave my wife (for me, not for Bambi); she and her boyfriend had called it quits a month or two earlier, but she decided not to tell me at the time (I was stunned to hear that news); somehow, talking with me kept fuucking her up (meaning, I assume, that she kept trying to put me away in a 'safe' place, but then old feelings would surge to the forefront again); that after this phone call, there would be no more phonecalls till I'd divorced my wife (aha, so it would seem she *did* still want me).
- I've since sent Bambi a few e-mails. Then one day, a month after that fateful phone call, she called late one night and left a voice mail msg on my cell phone, saying 'hi' a few times, telling me she and one of the women she was rooming with had found a new place to live (even gave me a nearby intersection). That gave me renewed optimism, so I zapped off a few e-mails and voice mail msgs. I didn't hear anything back till a few days ago (e-mail), basically giving me another friendly update, and that yes, she meant what she said and won't be changing her mind (presumably that there would be no voice chat till I'm divorced). *sigh*
- During all of this (starting around Oct/00), I'd made another female online acquaintance. The downside is, she lives in New Zealand. The upside is, she's also a fab person, and her sexuality was very similar to the power of Bambi's sexuality. She's never been a subbie before, but our relationship has very much gone in that direction. We've never met face to face (I'm sure by now many of you are thinking I'm a flake :P ). Let's call her something beginning with D... Darlene works.
- I'm glad my relationship with Chloe is history. If I knew in the beginning the troubles we would have had, I never would have chosen that path.
- My feelings (love) for both Bambi and Darlene are VERY deep. I know that Darlene feels the same way as I do. And yes, Darlene knows all about Alice, Bambi and Chloe (and other distractions along the way). I realize I've painted myself into the proverbial corner, because I know that one day, I'll have to choose (or maybe I'll simply end up losing) one or the other.

Along the way, I've had a handful of online-only relationships. Most of those extended to the phone, but I never actually met any of them. It was enlightening, to say the least. (One of these women still wants to be my online slave. Another couple of women says they're still in love with me. Two of these women got my name tattooed somewhere on their bodies. And so it goes.)

Having said all of this, now I can comment on my wife.

I've come to realize that over the years, my wife and I have changed. I've become more open-minded, she's become more close-minded, rigid. I suggested some light bondage one night, and she gave me a strange look and said, "Where do you get these ideas?!?" *sigh*

I got my first penis pierce in the summer of 1997. (I'd actually invited both Alice and Bambi to come and witness the event, but at the last second, Bambi was called in to work an unexpected shift, and Alice got a flat tire on the way over.) Over the years, I got 7 other pierces down there. Presently, I'm wearing 2 frenums. I didn't tell my wife about my first piece. After I'd lost that pierce and got my 2nd pierce, I told her. She wasn't too happy about it. (I should mention that she never fondles me, and sex was so rare that I guess she never noticed the first pierce.) Alice got to experience my first pierce (she rather liked it), Bambi *loved* all of the pierces I got, and ended up getting many of her own to match, Chloe liked the look of the pierces, but had mixed feelings on the feeling of them. Darlene hasn't experience my pierces yet, but gets wet thinking about them (and masturbates thinking about them, among other things ;-).

I also got my tongue pierced in Mar/98. I never told my wife. I got a black niobium barbell, and keep my tongue inside my mouth, don't open my mouth wide while facing her... you get the general idea. She's never once said anything about my tongue pierce, and I'm pretty sure that if she ever did, she'd have a few unpleasant things to say about it. We stopped with the tongue hockey years ago... seems that whenever I was even so much as interested in a kiss, either I would have a cold, or she would have a cold, and she became... hmm, not germ-phobic, but she didn't want to give the cold any opportunity to get around.

My wife isn't interested in getting pierced, whereas I love the look and feel on the tongue, nipples, labia, hood, clit, nostril (not septum), navel....

My wife is generally not interested in sex. And I'm generally not intererested in sex with her (although there are sporadic late night bumps and grinds). She's dull and uninspiring in bed. When she cums, it's a quiet little sigh, whereas Alice was noisy, Bambi was *really* loud, Chloe was noisy, and Darlene is noisy. My wife is good for one orgasm, maybe two on a good night. I always thought it was because I was a good, but not a great lover. But Alice, Bambi, Chloe and Darlene are all multiorgasmic. In fact, Bambi is good for an orgasm marathon, and Darlene even moreso. I just have no urges for my wife. If I end up rubbing up against her in the middle of the night, it's usually because I've had an erotic dream (of someone other than my wife). There have been more than a few times where I've caught myself, and stopped myself, because (quite frankly) masturbation makes me feel better about myself than sex with my wife.

Add in the fact that she likes to whinge and make mountains out of molehills, gets upset when I do X, gets upset when I do the opposite of X, regularly raises her voice and puts that irritating 'edge' to it.... *grimace*

Oh, and my wife was the first virgin I'd ever had. I'd always told myself that I would marry an experienced woman, and after meeting her and settling on her, decided to ignore my own advice.

One thing about online chat, is that I learned that what I used to think was pervy and pushing the edge, is actually very acceptable by a great number of women. Not all women like the same things, of course. But I've learned that many women are open to the idea of fisting (if they haven't already tried it), many other women cringe at the thought of it. Women like Alice, Bambi and Darlene love anal sex. Women like Bambi, Chloe and Darlene love giving BJ's, and swallowing. (My wife has NEVER let me cum in her mouth, much less swallowed.) Women like Bambi and Darlene are interested in bondage, and at least spanking. Women like Darlene are discovering that they like much, much more. Women like Bambi are bisexual. Women like Bambi and Darlene can cum and cum and cum and cum. The whole online chat world opened my eyes, big time. It also allowed me to come out of my shell, so to speak. I can be very frank and open with women online, and in Real Life, looking at a pretty woman can still leave me fumbling for words. (I think it's the eyes which throw me into a tailspin.)

I don't hate my wife. But like someone else said, she's become more like a sister to me, a sister that I'd rather not see on a regular basis.

I know I need to divorce her. I'm not looking forward to that. (That may be why I haven't done it already.) Right now I've been unemployed for several months, but once I've got my finances back in order, I'll move forward with it. Wish me luck.

As for which woman will be in my future, Bambi or Darlene, I still don't know. They're both incredible women. I'm sort of hoping that I'll have some profound insight which will tell me clearly which way I should go. (Sidebar: I've found a psychic connection with Darlene. I know I've had some sort of psychic connection with Bambi, but it was more primal. The one I have with Darlene goes beyond that. You can go ahead and label me a flake now. :P~~ )

Another sidebar: I've come to realize over the past couple years that despite the overcrowding in our world, there are a lot of lonely people out there. And despite how hot a woman can look, she can be carrying baggage like you wouldn't believe. Just because she's gorgeous on the outside, doesn't mean she's an unspoiled canvas on the inside. A lot of it can be overcome, just set your expectations realistically.

Wow... this was much longer than I expected it to be. Sorry for the rambling.

I guess I have a few points here:

1. If you love your wife like crazy, and can't ever see yourself apart and want to make it work, go for it. Do the romance thing. Do the ignore thing. Maybe talk to a marriage counsellor.

2. If you're married and are having doubts about your wife and yourself, try online chat (if you have the opportunity), or get out there in the real world and see if other women find you charming and attractive. At the very least, you'll have a feel for whether you've been missing out on anything (like I discovered).

3. If you're unhappy in your current relationship (wife or gf), especially if you've tried to make it work more than once (and failed), you need to put her behind you. I know that it can hurt like hell, but the only alternative is a lifetime of self-abuse, in the form of beating yourself up to make your relationship work. It shouldn't be that way. If you find yourself saying, "Yeah, we've had problems before, but this time it'll be different," you're deluding yourself. You can't change. Neither can she. If you like huge breasts and keep telling yourself that you'll be content with small breasts (like I used to say to myself), you're only lying to yourself. You might be content, but just barely. Trust me when I say there's a woman out there for you who's everything you want in a woman, and then some. In all likelihood, there's a frustrated woman out there who wishes she could meet someone just like you, and not the putz she's with now (or just finished dating/divorcing).

4. Getting married is a happy event. Interestingly, getting divorced makes people deliriously happy. If you doubt me, ask someone who's divorced.

I think that's enough rambling for now. :P~~

Dino, allow me to share with you some options:

- IRC: very well established, fairly straightforward interface (more on this later)
- ICQ: great for person-to-person, but finding active multi-user chat was never something I found to be its strong suite
- MSN: similar to ICQ, but I find has a friendlier interface. Also ties in nicely if you have a Hotmail e-mail account, getting instant alerts when new mail comes in. Also supports voice chat.
- Yahoo Chat: more chaotic, less regulated than IRC. Users can choose nicknames with really irritating fonts, colours, and so on. From my experience, the vast majority of Yahoo chatters are pretty young. One advantage it has, is it supports voice chat, which is great if you want proof that a woman is a woman, but is irritating if some nimrod wants to play his CD collection for all. Thanks to the Ignore function, that can be controlled somewhat. You can use a web browser, or you can use their downloadable client.

There are others I'm sure, but I first found out about IRC (Inter-Relay Chat) back in around 1987/88, when I was taking a night school computer course. If you decide you'd like to try IRC, you'll eventually need to make some decisions. Some food for thought:

- Which IRC client? I've tried various clients under Windows and Unix, and have to say that mIRC is my fave. (Others are: dIRC, pIRCh, ... you can browse the choices on www.tucows.com.) One way to get mIRC is to just go to www.mirc.com and download it. Also read the help there, to get you started. Once you get comfy with mIRC, you can choose any one of hundreds of nifty scripts to help make life online more enjoyable.

- What's an IRC network? It's a collection of servers whose administrators have agreed to be running a particular version of server software and configured to only talk to each other (and not to other IRC network's servers). When you're configuring your client, you usually pick a server from one of the IRC networks. If for some reason you decide that the performance of the server you've connected has gone into the toilet, you can hop to another server. (Sometimes you'll get "server full" msgs. *shrug*) If you list the various IRC networks that the author already added into the configuration, you'll notice there are a *lot* of them. Off the top of my head, there's Efnet, Dalnet and Undernet. If you're feeling adventurous, you can check out the various networks, list the channels and go from there. Caveat: I know that Dalnet has thousands of channels, so if you're on dialup, be patient while they list. You won't be able to stop it once it's started.

- Which IRC network? I don't know about 1987/88, but in the early 1990's I dove into Efnet. One advantage was that it was popular and had a lot of servers. I do know that some ISPs have been "autokilled" from Efnet thanks to abusive users. I think @Home was one of them. If you see msgs regarding being "akilled" in your status window when you connect, you could be in trouble. Of the disadvantages, there are a few. For one thing, you can only pick a nickname at *most* 9 characters long. That may not seem to be a problem, but with the many users out there, you may find that the nick you want isn't available. The Efnet network was pretty unstable at times, and occasionally you'll run into "op wars" and other BS. After a friend introduced me to Dalnet, I dropped Efnet pretty quickly. On Dalnet, you can have nicks up to something like 30 characters long, although most users choose something a little more straightfoward. Plus, you can register your nick with NickServ (just don't forget your password, otherwise you have to wait 30 days for it to expire). Plus, if you create your own channel, you can register it with ChanServ. If you do this, then you automatically get Op privileges in that channel, regardless of whether there's anyone else in the channel before you get there. (Normally, the first person to join a channel creates that channel, and they automatically get Ops privileges. Once you're an Op, you can give Op privs to anyone else in the channel, or kick someone out of the channel, or ban them, and a few other things. The last one to leave the channel causes the channel to cease to exist. ChanServ registration is a way of giving persistence to a channel when nobody is in it. But I digress.)

IRC isn't perfect. You'll hear users complaining about this or that. Mostly you'll hear about dorks messaging privately without asking. In some channels, that's acceptible, but in the channels I frequent, that's frowned on at the least, and usually punishible with a kick/ban. The way to get chatting with women, is to be witty and charming and occasionally self-deprecating in the channel. If you feel someone's warming up to you, you can ask her to take it private. Sometimes you'll be surprised when a woman sends you a PM (private message) out of the blue first.

Hhhmmm... I wasn't planning on doing an IRC tutorial, but let me try and quickly hit on some points:

- in mIRC, there's an icon which will let you list the channels. As mentioned earlier, this could take a while over a dialup, but at least you'll get the names of the channels and their topics. One way to go to the channel is to double-click on that entry. Another way is to type /join <name of channel>, where the channel name *always* begins with a '#'. To leave the channel, either click the X of that particular window, or type /part in that window
- to send someone a message, you can either type "/msg <nickname> your message here" or "/query <nickname> your message here" or "/notice <nickname> your message here". /msg and /query are the same, only /query automatically opens a private chat window for you. /notice differs in that it just puts the text anywhere you happen to have focus, so it tends to get lost in the stream of chatter, except for the fact that it's a different colour. If you do a DCC (Direct Client-Client) chat, you end up using the IRC servers to essentially set up a private chat which, after establishing it, makes you independant of the servers for the rest of that conversation (which is great, if there's some lag happening). Another (related) option is DCC Send, which is for sending someone a file (usually a .jpg picture).

This is the vast majority of what goes on most of the time. There are some finer details, but I don't wanna blow you out of the water. :P~~

Oh, be advised that in some channels, you could be blown away by how busy it is. I strongly advise avoiding #sex at all costs just for that reason, especially over dialup.

If you decide to come onto Dalnet, drop me an e-mail and I'll tell you how to find me there. BTW, if you choose a nick that someone else has already registered with NickServ, there's a chance that you'll be forced to pick another nick after 60 secs. If you haven't, it'll force one on you, starting with "Guest" followed by a 5-digit number. Guest nicks aren't a great way of making a favourable impression online, so you'd be wise to pick a nick that hasn't been registered, and register it.

Anyhoo... hope that's enough of a jump start!

Dino, sorry to hear you moved out, but based on all the the things you said, sounds like you made the right decision. Don't know how you handle all you've got on your plate - my hat is off to you and I wish you the best of luck. Of course the worst part of all this is your kids being in the middle - try to spend as much time as you can with them. I'm very curious to find out how your wife reacts to your moving. Will she realize the mistake she's made? Would you return to try again if things are promised to change? Life can be very difficult, but we need to keep our heads up and keep on plugging away, admittedly, tough to do at times. Good luck!

Carl, I wouldn't worry much about it. Don't go posting real names or locations, say things that only you could know about, and Bob's yer uncle.

It would take a Herculean effort to try and track down something on any one of us. I think the chance of someone stumbling across "coincidental facts" and pointing the finger at you is less likely than being struck by lightning. Just my opinion.

And even if someone does try to implicate you in something like this (after all, it's not illegal, so they would essentially be admitting they have no life of their own), remember these words of wisdom: Deny, deny, deny.